Dark & Twisty

I just finished Bite Me, the latest from Christopher Moore.  The book takes the story arc established in Blood-sucking Fiends and You Suck. It also as best as can be told, ends this arc.  I’m happy it did.  Even though  this story was still outrageously, Moore, and very funny at times.  It didn’t keep up the laughs that I’ve come to expect. The story takes a bit of a darker turn, which is okay with me because I am a writer and reader of darker fictions.

The story does a lot of focusing on Abby Normal.  This is okay.  It follows an order, Jody in the first book, Flood in the second, Abby in the third.  The problem is that you can only read in her voice for so long.  Then you get tired of it.  It’s hard to read her rambling, ultra catchphrase voice. ‘Kayso, now more about the book.

Vampire kitties is all I’m saying.  The world has to be avenged from the attack of the undead cats of San Francisco.  Apparently, Beijing had this problem before, and one crazy old Chinese lady remembers.

The major problem with me and this book is, the clichés.  You can only keep a story arc going for so long before you fall prey to these, and this happens.  Usually Moore builds his humor off of misusing the cliché or twisting it, but this time he gives us the smack talking “my nigga” loving Chinese granny, who only knows offense English phrase.  Give me a break, please.  There was so much more that could have been done for that character than that.

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So “The Music of Erich Zann” inspired me to make a Lovecraft soundtrack.  Here are songs on The Lovecraft soundtrack as preformed by Erich Zann.

1.      Cthulhu Came Down to Georgia

2.      Cthulhu’s Call (a church hymn)

3.      Mountains of Madness Rain

4.      Mountains of Madness Breakdown

5.      Ballad of Herbert West

6.      These Dreams (in the Witch House) featuring Heart

7.      Flabby Claws Is Coming to Town (a holiday song)

8.      D-A-G-O-N

9.      Don’t Fear the Lurking Fear (featuring more cow bell)

10.  Crooked Little Shack

11.  (hidden track) Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks (I think that H.P. would like them.)

12.  (hidden track) Rock Lobster by the B-52s (A Innsmouth favorite.)

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It's been a while since I've hated on some folks but here it goes.

Of course, I'm going to mention Lil Wayne. I've been hatin' on him since before I knew what hatin' was.  He bothers me.  Just knowing people pay him to do what he does urps me.

Continue on rappers, Kayne West has made may list.  He's actually been on the list for a while, a long time before the whole Taylor Swift thing.  I even agree with him that Beyonce is more talented that Taylor, but don't go and say that while she's getting an award and thanking people.  The nice thing about Kayne is he breaks down the racial barrier for douche baggery. 

Uberconservative and Republicans.  Get over it, a Democrat won the white house.  It's not the end of the world.  He may not be doing the best job in the world, but neither did Bush, but you must have forgotten that.

Now for Republicans and Democrats and whoever else does this: calling our president Hilter, Stalin, Lenin, or any other horrible dictator.  It doesn't matter how bad things are (even with habeus corpus being suspended, thank you Mr. Bush.) no American president is anywhere as bad as those guys.  When Obama or any other president sets up concentration camps or gulags, then you can talk about horrible dictators, but thank you for showing that douche baggery knows no political party.

Celebutants.  Need I say more.

Miley Cyrus?  Why are you popular?  You can't sing and by the standards of teeny bubble gum pop you suck.  Trust me, I survived NKOTB, the backstreet boys, NSYNC, Britany, Christina, A-teens, Hanson, the Spice Girls, and S-club 7.  You ain't nothing like them.  "It's suckin' in the USA."

Now for hatin' for a nonhuman, MLA style.  I hate you with every fiber of my being.  Why can't the world just go to APA.  Why must science and art be so opposed to each other.  APA is so much simpler.

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I continue to drink my haterade against this guy.  Why is Lil' Wayne still around?  What is this guys appeal?  Will someone please tell me.

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Ah, it's summertime in Alabama, and the mullets are blooming.  After the long winter of the mullets staying in doors or keeping itself wrapped up to stay warm, the long flowing glory of redneck is lush and rampant again. 

You see these wonders everywhere.  They are at Wal-mart, on the beach, at the river, and at the Dairy Queen.  Some are high toppers with the tip top standing at attention like the spikes on Bart Simpson's head.  There is then the bangs mullet.  This one you have bangs with.  There's the ever favorit skullet.  This variety of mullet keeps the pate scalped while the back grows long and luxurious. There is the femmullet, which is the female version around here seen on both lesbians and regular women. 

In the summertime, the warm temperate heat of the region combined with the humidity and blazing sunshine keeps these wonders of the coif world growing.

Few people actually know that in some regions of Alabama the mullet is the state flower.  As I type this, I am looking at the crazy mullet aka the insane in the membrane mullet.  this is mullet adorned by a mentally ill person who like children forced to wear the child mullet may not know better or have any other option to where this great hairstyle.

Everyone come to Alabama before the Mullet Season is over.  Much like the azeala season of Mobile, it's worth seeing.

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I must say.  What fair is this at?  I'll never look at the scrambler the same.

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As many who know me personally know, I love sweet tea.  I have referred to it on numerous occasions as the nectar of the gods.  This brown sweet nectar is my usual drink.  I order it at most restaruants.  Some places don't have it. (None around here mind you.  It's just down right unSouthern to not have sweet tea.  We'd run a cafe owner out on a rail if he didn't offer this libation.) Some place offer it, but it's intolerable. 

I've drunk sweet tea that tasted like coffee and some that tasted like Robetussin. Now I will talk about the greatest irony of all.  The location I eat lunch at everyday has the worst sweet tea in the world.  It taste like a mixture of sweat, coffee and some bitter substance similar to quinine.  This forces me to drink Pepsi, which is my least favorite soda. 

The location is my work site a medical center which has the name of my home county in it and the name of particular religious group famous for baptizing people.  I won't name names.  The worst thing is, they don't seem to care.  What are poor tea tottlers like myself supposed to do with this inferior swill?  Drink Pepsi from now on?  Nay I say, nay.  I walk across the fast food restaraunt and buy a mega sweet tea with no ice. 

The world is well.

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"Biopsychosocial, bitches!" --- Betty Jones circa 2001.

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Let's talk about this fool.  I remember when Lil Wayne came out.  He had this God-awful song called The Block is Hot.  This fool is what is wrong with music not just rap all music.  He is a talentless hack who scares people into buying his music. I've never heard a song of his I liked. 

Ladies is this guy sexy?  Really answer me.  He is a scary freak of a man.

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I did it again.  I dodged another April Fool's Day.  I have had the good fortune of only working one April 1.  This is a good thing.  I pull pranks all year long and so people gun for me on that day.  They are vicious when they come for me too.  I'm just that good of a target.  The only day I worked April 1 the only person who got one over on me was a client. 

I remeber that day well.  We had a patient get out of the hospital.  I pulled into the parking lot of the mental health center and the staff told me to get ready to commit that patient. I asked them if it was an April Fool's joke.  it wasn't, but later that day before I went to the hearing, I was in the day treatment.  A client looked at me and said, "You've got a hole in your shirt."  I believed him.  I had a hearing to go to and didn't need to go with a hole in my shirt.

That's my story.

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"Whatever happened to crazy?" -- Betty Jones circa 2002, Mobile, AL

(Betty, I've found it by the truck load.  It's in Jasper, AL)

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